Tuesday, March 19, 2013

My Moment Of Energy

Beans Moment (Energy)
WALT choose words that describe a moment for the reader

  • begin in the action
  • present tense (I am, not I was)
  • short, sharp sentences
  • uses the senses (smell, taste, look, hear, touch)
  • strong verbs

There I was ready to smash the Havelock Sharks. I could
just taste the victory salivating in my mouth. As we warm up, I glance over and peek at their warm up drills. The whistle blows and the game starts. I boot the ball high into the air. They catch the ball and run straight towards me. I brace myself and tackle him to the ground. I get straight to my feet and scoop the ball up. I sprint straight towards the tryline, I fend and step and bam I get taken out. As I fall I reach over the line and plant the ball down. It was a Try! The score at half time 4 to 3 to us.

After the break they came whizzing out and scored a flukey try that must of been the oranges. As they boot the ball  I speed straight through the middle of them. I place the ball over the line. Try time. At the moment the score  was 9 to  
us and 8 to them. The final play we kick the ball and Jono catches the ball. He runs straight over James our wing and scores. Unfortunately it was a try. It ended up 9 to 9. It was a draw.


  1. Hi Samual
    Great words used throughout. I enjoyed the tense dramatic flow of your story that made me feel that I was right there watching the action live. Well done

  2. Awesome Sam,
    I think you described the game
    really well.


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