Beans Moment (Energy)
WALT choose words that describe a moment for the reader
YOUR SIGNS OF SUCCESS
- begin in the action
- present tense (I am, not I was)
- short, sharp sentences
- uses the senses (smell, taste, look, hear, touch)
- strong verbs
There I was ready to smash the Havelock Sharks. I could
just taste the victory salivating in my mouth. As we warm up, I glance over and peek at their warm up drills. The whistle blows and the game starts. I boot the ball high into the air. They catch the ball and run straight towards me. I brace myself and tackle him to the ground. I get straight to my feet and scoop the ball up. I sprint straight towards the tryline, I fend and step and bam I get taken out. As I fall I reach over the line and plant the ball down. It was a Try! The score at half time 4 to 3 to us.
After the break they came whizzing out and scored a flukey try that must of been the oranges. As they boot the ball I speed straight through the middle of them. I place the ball over the line. Try time. At the moment the score was 9 to
us and 8 to them. The final play we kick the ball and Jono catches the ball. He runs straight over James our wing and scores. Unfortunately it was a try. It ended up 9 to 9. It was a draw.
Hi Samual
ReplyDeleteGreat words used throughout. I enjoyed the tense dramatic flow of your story that made me feel that I was right there watching the action live. Well done
Awesome Sam,
ReplyDeleteI think you described the game
really well.
WELL DONE